Lonelily
by prinadean
Summary: A long time has passed, and I'm trying to forgive.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter **

**Please R&R**

Just a little one shot based on the song by Damien Rice of the same name. You've got to love that guy. I suggest listening to the song to set the mood. It probably doesn't make sense, but I appreciate your feedback all the same. It's more emotion less action, at least that's what I was going for. It's experimental and it's such a great song I couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy.

**Lonelily**

_I gave me away_

_I could have knocked off the evening_

_But a lonelily landed my waltz in her hands_

I gently slide my hand over the smooth cool platinum in my pocket. The perfect contrast to the blistering heat of the June afternoon. The steam billows around the train. The exhaust from the engine mingles with the summer sun rising up from the sidewalks drenching me in a horrid smotheringsweat. I need to get out. I can't feel. I can't - I'm suffocating. My fingers reach the diamond, the rock. That's all it is a rock, rough, hard, a piece of the earth, a piece of this fucked up world. She's on the train.

_In a way I felt you were leaving _

_And I was sure I wouldn't find you at home _

_And you let me down_

I've been carrying around this little rock for a while. Since before anyone left, anyone died, anyone was sick. Back when I wasn't so inadequate. She was distracted towards the end and I should have known then that maybe I wasn't going to be enough. That was the worst part. That I was so blindly deficient. She never came right out and said it but I know…She wanted more.

_I could have knocked off the evening_

_But your lonelily let him push under your bone_

_You let me down _

_There's no use deceiving and neither of us want to be alone_

I couldn't do that I could give her everything she ever needed, but maybe not what she wanted. So she left and I stood stranded on the night of our graduation, the night I had planned to propose. The night that was now ruined because she was offered a chance to have everything she could ever want,and there she hadhim. Paris is after all the city of love. Who would ever want to be alone there?

_And you're coming home_

_And you're coming home_

_And you're coming home_

_And you're coming home_

And then I heard the news. Three years later and she's back. And I'm exactly as I am when she left in a flurry of red hair and rushing summer winds. Windy days always make me sad, but it's not until now that I realize why.

_I gave me away _

_I could have knocked off the evening_

_But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold_

_In a way I lost all I believed in _

_And I never found myself so alone_

Those days after she left turned into weeks and then months and then years and I've never had the chance to ask her. I knew she blamed me for her best friend's death. If I hadn't keptAnnabelle out planning the proposal she would never hear, running around with me for hours on end searching for the perfect ring she would never wear, then maybe just maybe the cancer wouldn't have seeped in so quickly.

_And you let me down_

_You could have called if you needed_

_But your lonelily got yourself locked and instead_

_You let me down_

_Its one thing to be cheated _

_But you took him all the way through your bed_

I knew she blamed me. I didn't know she hated me. I didn't know it was the end, two days before graduation when Annabelle's death cast a somber shadow over our world. Sirius lovedAnnabelle too. Even if it was too much to say it out loud. But Annabelle had her own secrets. We never knew she was dying. That with each passing second her life dwindled rapidly. We're all dying she said. It starts at our birth. She said she just happened to be winning the race.

I was going to be there for her. But she found comfort in another's arms instead. A man who knew nothing of her pain, or her joy or her past and with whom she would never have a future. A man who healed her wounds on the surface, caressing away the physical aches that stemmed from her emotional pains. A man who,if only for a moment,drove her to euphoria in dark rooms between cool sheets that tasted of the salt of tears and sweat, that were heavy with sex and afterwards with the pain of another night alone, despite the breathing of the man beside her.

_And now you're coming home_

_And I'm trying to forgive_

_And you're coming home_

_And I'm trying to forget_

_And you're coming home_

_And I'm trying to move on_

_And you haven't called yet_

_And you're coming home_

_I'm trying to forgive_

_And you're coming home_

_And I'm trying to move on_

_And you're coming home_

_But you haven't called_

I think she's the one who owes the apology now. I chased her to Paris at first and that's when I found out about her new medicine. A pretty boy with blond hair and dark eyes, everything that I wasn't. An act of contrition to prove that she does love me and that maybe she didn't come back for the London fog but for the London boy she left behind.

We haven't spoken since that day, but now as the exhaust of the train blows away with the wind, she's with me again. Though this time it isn't just a haunting feeling. She's really here standing in front me and the leather suitcases she's holding fall to the floor. Summer frocks and leather sandals spill out onto the hoary stone and she moves towards me one step at a time. It's then I notice that she doesn't step she floats. How could I ever be with her when she's floating around on a cloud of perfection, the queen of the world, a fairy princess, who happened to break my heart.

_I gave me away_

_I could have knocked off the evening_

_But my lonelily loomed into my bones_

She stares at me as if trying to see me and everything that's happened to me in our time apart in these few silent seconds. She takes my calloused hands between her own and the delicate paper-white hands discover the little treasure, the little curse I'm still holding. Her eyes widen at the ring and she looks up again at me emerald orbs filled with hope and another emotion I know that I'm reflecting, love. Maybe I'll never get the chance to ask her the question that's been on the tip of my tongue since I met her. Maybe I don't need too.

We can pretend all we want. We can make our mistakes. But maybe that's what true love is, an understanding, an unspoken forgiveness. To coin a phrase: love means never having to say you're sorry.

_You let me down_

_There's no use deceiving_

_Neither of us wants to be alone_

* * *

I know it's a repost, but this storylayout washorrible so I decided to change it. Any new readers I hope you enjoyed the story. Please Review 


End file.
